But Lip Gloss is a Contraceptive


I knew it. I KNEW IT. See, the last sim born into the legacy with skin that could be called something other than pale was Magnesium, who had Reaper skin. Mags was not going to exist but for the fact that Theo died, leaving room open for one more baby.

Calcium, who is brave and smart and also purple, was made possible by Sodium’s death, which opened a spot in the house. COINCIDENCE?!? Probably.

Basically, with the exception of Mags and Calcium, my legacy fits the song White and Nerdy to a T. Speaking of which, there’s an 8track thing now for the legacy. *pokes*


Sulfur went on a field trip to the most popular trip destination, the graveyard, and brought back a gnome. His name is Mr. Gnome because I couldn’t be bothered to name him.

But we want to see Calcium, right?


Calcium also has white hair and purple eyes. She’s a brave genius.

Calcium: Are we even bothering with an heir poll? Because I ALSO have an imaginary friend, and they have unique genetics.

I couldn’t think of a good name, so this is Cal, named after Lil Cal from Homestuck. I warn you that he is creepy so don’t click the link if you don’t like puppets or anything like that. If Cal and Calcium end up as a thing, their shipping name can be Cal Squared.


Phosphorus wanted to teach Calcium to talk AND walk, so here she is actually spending time with one of her children.


Phosphorus: And what does the mouse say?

Calcium: Click click!

Phosphorus: Very good!


Phosphorus: Can you say ‘mommy is an author’?

Calcium: Mommy writes filthy smut!


Phosphorus: Now can you say…

Calcium: I see dead people.


This is like the first drink that didn’t have stink fumes coming out of it, and Merlot was mixing his own drinks rather than following a recipe at this point.


Merlot’s first custom drink is called ‘Woohoo Time’ because it’s a romantic drink.

Phosphorus: *rolls want for another baby*



And it’s time for Chlorine to enter teenhood, just in time to go to prom.

Chlorine: People already think I look masculine as a child, so I’ll be a stud when I’m a teen!


Chlorine: Am I a stud? Y/Y?

I don’t know, but his eyes look wonderful… I could drown in them.


Phosphorus: So I taught Calcium that mice go click rather than squeak, because really, at this point, she’s more likely to see a computer than EVER see a mouse. Don’t you agree?

Chlorine: I think that, just because our family is based in science, we shouldn’t focus only on our minds. We need to better our bodies as well.

Chlorine got athletic for his teen trait.

Phosphorus: Don’t worry, Chlo. Your father and I work out together all the time.

Chlorine: Did not need to know that.




Mr. Gnome: OH NO! A meteor!

Thanks for making a mockery of our founders’ graves, Gnome. I appreciate it.


Phosphorus: And mommy wants another baby, but the voice says no…

Calcium: No way are you having another kid and jeopardizing my winning the heir poll.


Because we haven’t see much of the girls yet.

Argon: The voices tell me that our bus driver is a serial killer.

Kay: When I get the chance to learn martial arts, I’m breaking your stupid voice-filled skull. Smile


They brought in a ‘statue of a molecule’ from the science lab, which is a perfect centerpiece to the table.

Except I think it looks more like an atom than a molecule. Still cool though.


Kay: Off to prom? Don’t get arrested.

Argon: Oh dear. Disappointed smile

Sulfur: I just hope my prom picture turns out awesome!


Sulfur in her formal outfit that doesn’t look all that formal.

Sulfur: Ice hired a limo!

Where is Ice?


Ice: Can’t get in a car with Sulfur. You never know what could happen when boys and girls are in cars together. Babies could happen.


Cute prom pictures. Mostly Sulfur’s, though.

Chlorine doesn’t have a date because he didn’t even technically attend high school yet.


Argon: The scary voices tell me that we should play hopscotch to endear the readers.

Kay: I swear I’m going to kill you.


Argon: No, voices! Kay is my FRIEND. My FRIEND.

Kay: Whatever, I’m going to play hopscotch.



Seriously, she jumped across and back twice and automatically won. Argon never even got a chance to try.


They better be talking about the non-woohoo type of seeds.

Calcium (offscreen): Technically, all seeds are related to ‘woohoo’ because they are the stationary sex cells, and pollen is the motile sex cell, much like…

Kay: Shut up, Calcium. It’s our turn right now.


Argon: I’m tired.

Kay: Okay, let’s go to bed. I think we’ve done enough for tonight, and we’re having a slumber party probably next chapter, anyway.


I can’t believe Phosphorus spent, like, a whole day with one of her children. Remarkable.

Let’s see how prom went, shall we?


Sulfur: I won prom queen, Ice asked me to be his girlfriend, and he gave me my first kiss after I convinced him my lip gloss was a 100% efficient contraceptive.


Chlorine: I met a cute girl at prom, and we hit it off. I think I love her.

And? Her name is?

Chlorine: Snow Frosty.

Otherwise known as Ice’s SISTER, so Sulfur’s brother might end up dating her boyfriend’s sister, and things could get interesting.


2 thoughts on “But Lip Gloss is a Contraceptive

  1. (Psst… you called one of the girls Calcium when they were playing at the block table)

    I love how crazy Argon is, she’s hysterical! Also, I really can’t wait to see who becomes heir this gen… they’re all a lot of fun!

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