Lady Is a Tramp

I have so many pictures backed up because I’ve been playing all afternoon now that school is in half-day mode, so here we go. Last time, Zhan’s illegitimate daughter, Mulan, came to live with the Mendeleev family because her mom was dead, and Ellie forgave him far too quickly because she’s was getting all hormonal for him or something.

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Look! I didn’t know elders in other households could use canes. Maybe I’ll see some kids being pushed around in strollers at some point.

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And Hydrogen comes to the party wearing his amazing airship-captain outfit. I like to think that Hydrogen spends his time having steampunk-y adventures piloting a dirigible.

Hydrogen: Don’t make a Hindenburg joke.

Fine. Annoyed

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Helium: Birthday time!

Arlo Bunch is freaking scary and Cyclone Sword (or however it’s spelled with numbers) only came for the computer.

Speaking of Cyclone, he always ends up marrying Emma Hatch in my game. Always. Its a bit weird.

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Lithium steals the birthday spotlight yet again, and this time I’m not even sure what she did. She didn’t pass out or wet herself, but almost everyone started thinking about her at the exact same time.

Lithium: Because I’m awesome.

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I don’t have a face picture yet because the lighting made his face look weird, and I didn’t want to take it while he was eating.

Lithium: See, this is why you can’t be perfect like me. I had a salad; you have cake. Mulan, you might want to consider a salad in the future.

She’s not that fat just… a bit bigger than you.

Lithium: You’re saying that because you’re about the same size as her.

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Mulan: Lame party. No hot men.

Helium: You mean good-looking guys you aren’t related to?

Mulan: No. No hot men. At all. You ugly.

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Traci Hart stays the entire night, and I only find this out when Helium found her in the bathroom. In her nightshirt and undies. Awkward.

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Helium rolled neurotic, so here he is cleaning things I didn’t even know were dirty. Also he has body hair because I felt like I was obligated to include it at some point.

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Here’s his face shot.

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Mulan: I look like American girl now.

Eh? Wait…

More like this, yeah?

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Lithium doesn’t like Mulan’s new look too much.

Lithium: She’s purposely dressing to show skin. The tramp.

She’s showing about as much skin as Lithium, but whatever.

Lithium: No. Mulan has a lot more skin to show because it has a lot more her to cover.

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Mulan: I get boyfriend now. I prettier than you.

Not if she keeps pulling this face:

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Basically, party animal + flirty = throwing-self-at-boys to me, when taken to extremes. And mean-spirited means the boy Mulan is about to throw herself at is…

Mulan: Where Wainwrights live?

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Lithium: I’m not worried. My Theo is smarter than that. After all, why drink the milk when you can have the whole cow?

First of all, you just called yourself a cow. Second of all, why stop at first base when you can hit a home run?

Quick detour to town hall!

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Helium: Cool! I’m the first person to graduate from high school in the family!

But the family got the day off from work and school. Ellie needs every day at the science facility that she can manage, Helium. *deathglare*

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Mulan: Want to make out?

Theo: I’m engaged.

Blair: *fails at being a ninja*

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Mulan: But I make you happy. Lithium is goodie-goodie and keep clothes on body.

Theo: Please leave my house.

Blair: *still fails*

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Back at the ranch:

Ellie: I’m so excited that you’ve found love so early, Lithium. Soon you’ll know the joys of being a married woman.

Lithium: I can hear ‘the joys of being a married woman’ coming from your room every night, Mom. Can you get a hotel or something?

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Ellie: *cough* Why are you dressed like that, Mulan dear?

Lithium: Yeah, tell us about all of the loving you didn’t get.

Mulan: Shut up.

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She drowns her failure in cake.

Seriously, Mulan always gets cake from the fridge if I don’t tell her what to eat and Lithium always has a salad. This is why Lithium is like a twig and Mulan is… less like a twig.

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Ellie No, Zhan. I’m too tired right now.

Zhan: *sad puppy face*

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Zhan takes out his frustration on Mulan by telling her to drop a few pounds.

Mulan: That good idea. I be thin and seduce Wainwright boy.

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Lithium: Theo is all mine…

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Mulan: Theo is all mine!

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Zhan: And Ellie is all mine!

Ellie: I took a nap so I’m not tired now!

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Zhan doesn’t mind the visible green fumes coming off of her. This is true love, folks. Except for the whole cheating bit.

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Let’s cut to a picture of Mulan and Lithium having the same dream, so I won’t have to go over the parents’ ‘gardening technique’.

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Mulan: You work know what you do with handcuffs at night?

You know you’re never going to lose weight if all you eat is cake, right?

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Typical day at the Mendeleev household.

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Helium: Look out below! If you don’t want to see me in my underwear, don’t look.

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Zhan: Maybe you should consider wearing more than just your underwear when you go to bed. Especially since the family computer is in your room.

Helium: And maybe you should stop wearing leather… everything.

Zhan: Your mom likes the leather. Punk

Helium: TMI, Dad.

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Mulan goes to the park to I guess pick up guys, and what is it with the water slide and elders?

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Mulan: Waterslide good because I can show off hot body in swimsuit.

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If she keeps doing that, she’s going to make heyour nose flat…er.

Mulan: I lose bikini top!

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Man: *stares*

Get out of here, you creeper.

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Meanwhile, Lithium paints at home because we need to get Helium out of his room so we can use it for other things. Like an art room or something. She’s a perfectionist, so she paints super slow.

Lithium: It has to be perfect.

She’d better paint some damn good-looking portraits.

Will Lithium and Mulan ever be able to put aside their differences and be friends? Also, Lithium’s birthday.

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