Battle Hymn of the Tiger Father

Last time, Zhan and Ellie had the first baby of the legacy, and Ellie tried to get pregnant again to get the diapers and maternity leave out of the way and focus on her job.

Zhan: We should start planning ahead for Hydrogen. Pretty soon he’ll need little pants, little shirts, little shoes…

Zhan: And enroll him in a private school.

Ellie: *chokes*

Ellie: It’s okay, baby. I won’t let daddy send you away.

Zhan: You’re sentencing our child to a life of mediocrity.

Settle down, Tiger Mother. Ellie will be able to educate a genius child just fine, being herself a genius. Besides, private schools come out with Generations, and Hydrogen will be well into his career at public school by that point.

Ellie pops into her new maternity wear. While still questionable, this is a huge improvement over her last outfit. Speaking of babies, it’s about time for Hydrogen’s birthday.

Zhan’s ex-girlfriend was invited for giggles.


Shen immediately runs to the training dummy and beats it senseless.

Hank Goddard crashes the party, but it’s okay because he brought some free entertainment.

Zhan: It’s time for your birthday, Hydrogen! *grumble* You should be in school by now… *grumble*

HE’S FREAKING ADORABLE!!! (Hydrogen spam in 3… 2…)

Hydrogen: Blasted round peg! Your refusal to fit in the triangular hole is most frustrating!

Hydrogen: I shall consume you.

After a while, Blair Wainwright comes to teach Hydrogen the ins and outs of the peg box.

Blair: It goes there.

Hold on… rotate the camera to get a better view…

Either Blair isn’t the brightest bulb or she’s trying to trick a baby.

Hydrogen: Perhaps if I humor the blonde one, I will be rewarded with candy!

Blair: LOL. Babies are stupid.

Hydrogen: Mother, that woman was quite rude to me and suggested I might be mentally deficient.

Ellie: Yes, goo goo goo! Nap time!

It’s so hard for a genius to find someone who understands him. Especially when he can’t talk.

Hydrogen: I cannot believe my mother left me to nap when I have clearly soiled myself. I must find a way to remedy this.

Normal babies scream when they’re dirty.

Hydrogen: If you insist.

Hydrogen screams his head off until his parents finally hear him. Having them sleep in a tent outside was not the best idea, in hind sight.

Zhan: I thought I heard screaming.

Hydrogen tries not to laugh.

I’m beginning to think that Hydrogen has his little peg-box freakouts just for me to take pictures. He’s a manipulative one.

Hydrogen: You know you love me.

Hydrogen also works with the xylophone while he waits for his parents to get off of their lazy butts and teach him things. Actually, Zhan is at work and Ellie is working on the garden, but the police station and garden aren’t cute like Hydrogen.

Ellie: Say ‘gears’ Hydrogen.

Hydrogen: You know me too well, mother. Anything with gears, clockwork, and anything remotely steampunk send my heart aflutter.

Ellie: Yay! My baby is a total nerd!

Just keep Hydrogen away from airships. That’s how the Hindenburg went down.

Ellie: Now say ‘divorce’.

Why would you want to teach him how to say that, Ellie?

Ellie: You know… just in case. Never know what kinds of things he’ll need to know.

Hydrogen: Right now you’re thinking about how sleepy your are.

Ellie: Holy…! Zhan! Our baby can read minds! We could enroll him in the Xavier School for the Gifted!

Zhan: Now you want to enroll him in school.

Zhan teaches Hydrogen how to use the potty while Ellie gardens and sleeps.

Hydrogen: Father, just look at this toilet. This plastic is probably brimming with chemicals. Do you want me to get cancer?

Ellie is about to burst, and I think this is where I’ll leave you. Will Helium be a boy or a girl? Will Ellie and Zhan be able to settle their differences? Is Hydrogen secretly an alien child bent on world domination through adorability? Find out soon. Or not so soon. Whenever.


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